Hello everyone. So sorry for the delay. I got engaged and started a legal practice. It’s been quite a few months, and I think I’m starting to get the hang of balancing all the things in my life better, having added more to it.
I will write on both my decision to ask my partner Carrie to marry me (happily, she said yes) and my decision to begin legal practice again after twenty years off very soon.
But for now, here’s a fun thing I found in my archives. It’s a teaser for a sitcom I wrote a pilot for called ‘The Good Couple’
Here’s the basic pitch:
A ‘Quantum Leap’ style animated comedy in which Noah tries to convince a depressed God increasingly convinced of his own impotence and anachronism that he’s still relevant and important.
Noah leads God through history’s pages and they attempt to put right wrongs, world-changing and trivial. Or are these the same thing?
Meanwhile Satan, guided by a newly divorced Eve furious at the injustice of the world and an incompetent God’s part in it, attempt to seize power.
I’d love feedback. This has sat in a drawer for too long. Reading it again reminded me how much I loved writing and conceiving it.
Speak again soon.
Best wishes
Yianni
THE GODD COUPLE
by Yianni Agisilaou
BLACK SCREEN
MUSIC
A custom bed of ‘Faith’ by George Michael plays softly underneath this teaser.
VOICE OVER
God created man in his own image.
The screen begins black. We hear a massive belch, before ZOOMING out to reveal we were inside GOD’S mouth the whole time. GOD is drinking at a bar.
VOICE OVER
So God is just like us. Depressed.
CUT TO:
GOD is lying on psychologist DR HELEN WEINSTEIN’S couch, dangling a bottle of scotch off the edge. He sits up.
GOD
I can’t read the Old Testament anymore. It’s like teenage poetry! ‘Thou shalt not!’
I mean who talks like that?!
VOICE OVER
Drunk
EXT: GAY, ADAM and STEVE’S BAR
CLOSE UP
Large sign arching over the door that reads ‘GAY, ADAM AND STEVE’S’. Underneath is written ‘Proprietors – The Archangel Gabriel, Adam and Steve (ex Eve)’
Above the door is a rainbow flag, below which sits a welcoming image of the proprietors with their arms around each other.
INT: BAR
GOD (Hitting the bar)
Adam. My usual!
ADAM
Anything?
GOD
Exactly!
ADAM rolls his eyes and hands GOD his drink. GOD grabs it greedily.
ADAM picks up GOD’S car keys, and passes them to GABRIEL who hangs them on a hook behind the bar above which is written in big letters ‘GOD’S CAR KEYS’ The wall is discoloured from overuse in the shape of the keys.
VOICE OVER
Angry.
We zoom in through the frosted window that identifies PSYCHOLOGIST HELEN WEINSTEIN’S office.
INT: PSYCHOLOGIST HELEN WEINSTEIN’S OFFICE
HELEN WEINSTEIN
Well we all make mistakes.
GOD
Oh we do we do we? Ever have a baby die on your watch? No! Ever flood the Earth because you felt slightly rejected? Hmm? No! I’m meant to be IN-FAL-LI-BLE! We all make mistakes? What does that even mean?
WEINSTEIN
Well it means...
GOD starts ranting, waving his bottle of scotch as he does so.
GOD
It means I know what it means! How many planets have you created you headshrinker quack job?!
I made you out of a rib! You’re a rib!
WEINSTEIN (VERY frustrated)
I told you not to drink at our sessions! It triggers your aggression pr…
GOD (angry)
Look I don’t HAVE an aggression...
He squeezes the bottle so hard that it shatters.
GOD (CONT’D)
...problem. (momentarily chastened, he manifests a new bottle) See? No problem.
VOICE OVER
And on the verge of destroying the world. Again.
GOD is walking along, small model of Earth in one hand, comet in the other, singing. Every two bars, he smashes them together.
GOD
Though I WALK through the VALLEY of the SHADOW of death, I take a LOOK at (he looks pointedly towards Adam and Steve) your LIVES and realISE there’s NOTHIN’ LEFT!
STEVE (to Adam)
Do you think…
ADAM
…it’s more sinister when it’s Coolio?
STEVE
Then it’s not just me?
ADAM
No.
VOICE OVER
And the only person who can convince him not to. Is...
GOD
Moses!
He embraces Moses.
GOD
My oldest and dearest friend!
NOAH
It’s Noah!
GOD
Ohhohoho!
VOICE OVER
Is a man he trapped on a floating zoo.
Noah storms away from GOD, upset.
GOD
Hey! Mo-Noah! Where are you going? I saved your life!
NOAH
By killing everyone I knew? (He theatrically bows)
Thank you so much MY LORD! Oh, and it turns out I’m allergic to most animals, but only when I’m seasick! Not that you asked!
GOD
Uh. YOU’RE WELCOME!!!!
Quick cuts of each character with VO saying their name.
VOICE OVER
Adam...
Eve...
Satan...
Noah...
Goliath...
Snake...
Gabriel...
Psychologist to the Gods Helen Weinstein...
Your one true Lord and God J. Edgar Hova...
Jesus... (pronounced with a soft J)
And every creature on his green Earth...
Including STEVE...
The quick cuts reveal no-one. The camera pans across to reveal STEVE, who seems surprised at the intrusion and unsure what’s happening.
STEVE
Oh, hey. What’s…
And is cut off by the VOICE OVER.
VOICE OVER
In an adventure as old as time.
A scientist and a young earth creationist, identifiable by a crucifix on his necklace both speak simultaneously.
SCIENTIST
17 Billion Years
CREATIONIST
6000 Years
They turn and face each other, then start beating each other violently. The camera pans over to reveal GOD, eating popcorn.
GOD
Eeeexcellent. Ooooh, nice hook! Are you seeing this MOSES?
NOAH (Facing the other direction with his arms crossed)
No.
GOD
I’m great.
VOICE OVER
The Godd Couple. Our last hope for salvation in a faithless world.
Coming as soon as someone commissions it.
FADE TO BLACK
POSTSCRIPT
GOD and NOAH are sitting in GAY, ADAM and STEVE’S.
NOAH is drinking water, GOD, as per, has scotch.
NOAH
My Lord, what’s the meaning of life?
GOD
To display your love for me.
GOD drunkenly puts his arms around NOAH.
By buying the next round. Or with a sweet Jesus tatt.
GOD pulls NOAH close, grabs his head and turns it towards the bartender.
Like Adam’s.
CUT TO:
Close up on ADAM’S tattoo of a topless, jacked George Michael.
Underneath is written ‘I GOTTA HAVE FAITH’
MUSIC
Music is timed so that the final “I gotta have faith, faith, faith-AH” accompanies Adam’s tattoo.
CUT TO BLACK